There's a difference between someone wanting you and someone knowing how to love you well. And sometimes, we're so focused on being chosen that we forget to ask whether we're actually happy with who's choosing us.
In this episode of herspective, Jillian and Drey unpack the difference between being chosen and being genuinely loved well, and why understanding that distinction can change the way we approach dating, relationships, and even ourselves.
For so many of us, dating has felt like an audition. We wonder if we're attractive enough, interesting enough, easygoing enough, or simply enough to make someone want to stay. We adjust our personalities, minimize our needs, and sometimes lose sight of who we actually are in the process.
But what happens when we stop asking, "How do I get someone to choose me?" and start asking, "Is this someone who can love me for who I really am?"
Jillian opens up about her evolving approach to dating, including the scarcity mindset that once kept her focused on being wanted rather than evaluating whether a relationship was actually right for her. She shares how learning to date from a place of authenticity, rather than fear of rejection, has shifted her standards, her perspective, and her willingness to trust the process.
Drey reflects on her own relationship history, the importance of spending time single, and what it means to rediscover yourself after years of defining your identity through relationships. She also shares what being loved well looks like in her marriage, from understanding each other's needs to learning how to communicate love in ways that actually feel supportive.
Together, they explore the uncomfortable but necessary work of recognizing people-pleasing patterns, learning to receive love, and understanding why being in a relationship isn't necessarily the same as being in a healthy one.
The conversation also turns toward surrender, faith, and trusting God's timing. Jillian shares why she's stepping back from dating apps, becoming more intentional about discovering herself, and learning that being ready for love doesn't always mean the person you're meant to meet is ready, too.
In this episode, we're talking about:
Why being chosen isn't the same as being loved well
How a scarcity mindset can influence our dating decisions
The difference between dating authentically and dating to avoid rejection
Why people-pleasing can keep us in unfulfilling relationships
Learning who you are outside of a romantic relationship
What healthy love looks like in practice
Communicating your emotional needs and learning to receive love
Surrendering control and trusting God's timing in dating
Ultimately, this conversation is a reminder that the goal isn't simply to find someone who wants you. It's to build a relationship where you can show up fully as yourself, communicate your needs, and experience love that feels genuine, intentional, and reciprocal.
Because being chosen might feel validating, but being loved well requires something deeper.
Join Jillian and Drey for an honest, funny, and vulnerable conversation about dating, self-worth, relationships, and learning to recognize the difference between being wanted and being truly loved.